Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
It sounds like everybody had a great night and you now find yourselves waking up.
You find a note. Meet the group for breakfast at the Yawning Court.
I brought you all here today. Wait, did I bring you all here today?
You brought us here?
I am breaking up the band.
What?
I have been recruited by the higher-ups in the airship squadrons to lead a group into battle.
Is this true, Flammikins? That doesn't sound right.
We're breaking up the band. I've been asked to join the Arcane Brotherhood's front.
When it comes to the final battle, we will be there providing support to you and to everybody else.
What about you and the airships, Flammikins? Are you guys going to be there too?
I'm pretty sure. There was some talk about arranging how we're going to do this final attack here.
They just seem to be waiting on something.
Thaddeus and Flammikins head out of the Yawning Portal Inn.
Freeze frame, silhouetted against a bright day.
A tall Thaddeus, a tiny Flammikins leaving the Yawning Portal Inn.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. We're at D&D 5th Edition Actual Play Podcast,
and I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More, and with me today is Amy More.
Me again. I play the Amastasia.
Tom Laird. I'm here too. I play Flintfire Beard.
Carla Johnson. I am also here again, and I play Nulara Moonbrook.
Welcome to the game, everybody. Thank you.
Thanks for trying this, Russ. I just thought I'd give it a whirl.
Want to play a little game? Yeah, it did. It was a little...
It was kind of creepy, so I guess well done.
Play a game. Yeah, no.
Want to play a game, bitch? It's not toilet paper.
It's duct tape. That's good.
Yeah, don't worry. We won't do that again. That's fine.
How's everybody doing? Good.
Good. They're doing pretty good.
Pretty good. Tom's eating cookies.
Yeah. Tom baked these cookies. Oh my god, they're so good.
This is mean. This is mean to everyone.
No one's getting anything out of this except for Tom.
Oh, I'm getting so much out of this. Please. Please continue.
I'm just going to pump him up a little bit because he made these cookies.
They're oatmeal cookies. They're so chewy and delicious,
and they must have a little bit of sea salt or something in them
because they have that... They were so good.
Can you share the recipe, Tom? No. You know what, Tom?
I certainly can. I don't want to make them.
January 18th to 21st, we're going to be in Seattle at PodCon 2.
You bring four fucking cookies. Every recipe you make,
you have to make another one to bring to that event.
If you think that I didn't Google can I bring cookies on an airplane,
then you are mistaken because I 100% fucking Googled that
because I will totally bring cookies to Seattle.
Of course he will. He's very nice.
You can totally bring cookies on a plane.
You totally can.
You know how much food I bring to feed Addison when we fly?
Yeah, just not liquid food. Otherwise, bring as much as you want.
I couldn't bring the fucking vanilla or anything else that I need to bring,
but everything else seems fair game, so no, I will bring those.
Once they're mixed in that in that cookie, beautiful cookie form,
cocktail form.
Holy shit. Well, I'm excited for bacon.
Like, I mean, I was excited for PodCon before.
But OK, guys, OK, listeners, you don't know how long it's been
since I've had Tom's baking.
I don't want time, hey, like a year and a half because
didn't you bring stuff to the in-game play that I would have been?
Oh, yeah, you did.
Yeah. So it was a year and a half year
and a half, like August, September of last year.
That's a long time ago.
Yeah, that's a long time.
It was a long time considering how often he bakes and how much
Carly gets to enjoy it.
How much he shows us his baking.
Yeah, but I'm not at all bitter or jealous.
I'm real.
I think this is my favorite cookie recipe that I've ever baked.
So I think it's like my go to now.
It's going to be my one that I always make.
They're very good.
And you can pretend they're healthy because they're oatmeal cookies.
That's right. The fiber in those things.
Exactly. They're so good for you.
There's not even like chocolate chips or anything, but they are baller.
Well, that's the thing.
Like it's a plain oatmeal cookie, but like it is the best goddamn cookie.
Yeah, they're so good.
Welcome to our podcast.
It's been a podcast.
This is our Tom Bakes podcast.
I would totally do a baking podcast.
Are you kidding me?
It would not be a good medium for it, but I would totally do it.
I mean, is it less of a good medium than a cooking show?
Like you still don't get to eat it.
You get to look at it, I guess.
But the thing about food is not the visual, is it?
You got to describe it.
You got to get those descriptor words out there.
I think they would argue that food is like visual smell.
So olfactory and then taste.
Now, Tom, can you come up with enough recipes to fuel a like weekly post
or a fortnightly post on Patreon?
I mean, I probably could.
I've got a lot of like go-to fun things that I make every now and then.
Even if he just started doing like the things that we've talked about in the podcast.
And it's true.
Because like the cheesecakes and the cookies and the cookies with the little scones.
There's been so many things that you've I mean, we've talked about a lot.
Okay, I'm unreasonably unhappy right now.
We've talked about cookies for too long.
At the very least, on Patreon, we'll post one Tom recipe by the time this comes out.
Just to say, you know, just to fuel that.
And then maybe we'll post that regular.
And you can join us on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And you can get all of Tom's recipes or at least that one.
Maybe I'll do the gluten free peanut butter cookies.
Just in case there's any gluten sensitive people out there.
I like it.
We're appealing to all audiences.
But also when you're a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you.
Like our lucky episode dedication person patron today.
Dedicatee Nate Hacking.
Nate, Nate, you're awesome.
Thanks for being so awesome.
And you're very well dressed right now.
Well done, Nate.
Extremely well dressed.
Go.
He's got an awesome weather.
First thing up in the morning and just boom.
Hair's looking good.
Beard or no beard is looking great.
That's what I was going to say.
Hair or no hair looks fantastic.
I mean, it looks great.
Maybe you got eyebrows that look super great.
I hear your eyebrows should be on fleek.
Mine are not.
I don't know if they do.
Mine are not on fleek.
I don't know.
Mine are very large.
The kids I was talking to this summer still said it.
Oh, okay.
Eyebrows are still a very big deal.
Oh, eyebrows are definitely still a big deal.
I didn't know if on fleek was still a thing people were saying or ever said.
I feel like that was all just a giant trick to make old people say it and sound dumb,
to be honest.
Just a big internet meme.
A big Mandela thing.
What are you saying?
Well, I mean, I said it too and I didn't feel comfortable saying it.
It felt wrong every time.
It did feel wrong.
It does.
Saying on fleek feels wrong every time.
Damn you, young people.
Exactly.
Making up words.
Get off my lawn with your words.
Just imagine a kid running down the street with a sign and a stake and just
staking fleek onto someone's leg.
Your words and your fortnight dances.
How dare you?
Oh my god, Addy.
Addy, we're walking down the street.
She goes, mom.
Mom.
What?
She's like, I have to teach you how to floss.
I'm like, right now?
She's like, yeah, right now.
And she totally breaks down.
She's like this and she swings her arms to one side and then she's like,
and then like this and one side's behind her and then she's like,
and then like this and then like this.
She's like, do you got it?
I was like, yeah.
And then she's like, now like this.
My best friend's kids are eight and six and I swear they just are doing it
constantly.
Like all the time and it is great.
They're adorable.
They look so crazy.
I see her doing it sometimes too.
Like, oh, I guess if I had kids, I'd be more hip.
I'd like, no, because it's the only way I know about those things.
I don't have the coordination.
That kick thing, like where you jump up on one leg and you kick the other leg out
and you kick your, you pump your arm at the same time?
I don't know that one, but yeah.
No, you failed at that one.
We were looking at a house and we were walking to it.
She goes, mom, can you do this?
And then I did it perfectly.
And she was like, well, good job.
Dad, can you do it?
No.
But she tried to do it too fast and literally like fell on her ass.
She got up looking pretty embarrassed.
I was like, what just happened?
Did the ground just drop from out from under you?
Totally.
Hey, wait a minute.
Do we play D&D on this podcast?
I don't even know.
I think we talked about D&D.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Wait, we've already said that.
We're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast.
Complete recap.
Fuck it.
Let's play D&D.
There we go.
Yay.
All right, so all your friends left you last episode.
I mean, that's a way to phrase it.
It's a bit harsh.
Our friends got great opportunities to go and
fight the battle in a different way, and we totally supported that.
We are happy and supportive of their career advancement.
Absolutely.
So where do we find Flint, Thea, Nularaaaa, and Donnie at this current moment?
Should we go and check in?
I'm thinking we should maybe go check in.
Like back to the inn?
Yeah, like to the hotel.
Perfect.
What about the motel?
Oh, no, like maybe we should check in with Leosin.
Yeah, because Protanther like dropped us off, right?
And then we just like went to the hotel, went to a party.
You went and checked in with Leosin and then partied.
Yeah, Leosin didn't want to party and we said we'd be back
because there's a lot going on.
Maybe we should go back.
Yeah, I guess.
I mean, honestly, we need some direction about what we need to do.
Well, we need to go to the Wizards of the Fay.
Yeah, and we need to figure out how we're going to do that.
Yeah, they need to like.
They need to get us there somehow, right?
Because it's very far.
I dream of genius there.
Exactly.
Are there trains in this world?
If only there was a train we could just catch.
That'd be so great.
Like some sort of murder hobos.
I thought it was a typo.
I was like, that can't be what he means.
That's exactly what I meant.
I get my little red and white polka dot.
Bindle.
Chief.
Your bindle.
Yep, and I'm going to wrap it around my stick.
Yeah, and carry your little.
Find a train to take me to the Fay, the Wizards of the Fay,
and I'll see you guys because you guys are going to transport there
in like a blink of an eye.
I'll see you in like six months.
Overland travel, it's a bitch.
Yeah, they're kidding.
Who does it anymore anyway?
Well, not us.
We're the decimators of dragons, right?
I don't walk with my own feet.
We go see Leosin.
You make your way back up and into Leosin's chambers,
and he's writing notes currently as you enter the room.
One day I expect we're going to walk in
and he's going to be like sleeping on his desk.
Yeah, it seems.
Wake up with like ink dried on his face.
And only because he's been working so hard,
not because he's lazy, but just he just fell asleep
at his desk.
Seems reasonable.
Sound pen still in hand.
When the door bangs open, he'll be like,
keeps writing.
Exactly.
Hi, Leosin.
Oh, hello.
Hello.
He finishes writing something.
How was your harvest festival?
We ended up naked.
So good.
I mean, I didn't end up naked,
but I guess everyone else did.
Let's not say you didn't.
We did not do well in that haunted house.
Oh, right, right.
I thought I was thinking after the haunted house.
Oh, yes, we did all end up.
Yep, I stand corrected.
We did all end up naked.
How about you?
Did you end up naked?
You didn't go to the party,
but I don't know your life, Leosin.
Just a dumbfounded look on Leosin's face right now.
No, I mean, aside from removing my clothes to put more clothes on,
I was not naked for any mentionable period.
All right, so we were all naked.
Okay, I mean, happens to most of us most days.
Long story short, I guess, yep.
So we were thinking we should go to the Wizards of Faye.
Right, yes, that is something that needs to happen.
Okay, are you ready for that?
What do you think we need to be ready for that?
I'm ready, let's go.
Okay, yep, to keep your clothes on is probably a good idea.
We all look at Flint.
Why are you guys looking at me?
Oh, you know, you know.
That's fair.
Okay, well, what do you know about Faye and the Red Wizards?
Oh, nothing.
They're not good guys, from what I heard.
Yeah, I can't say anything really rings a bell.
They took the Frogland, the giant frog people.
I beg your pardon?
They, was this, maybe, I don't know.
What do you know about the Wizards of Faye?
Maybe you should fill us in on the Wizards of Faye,
I guess is what we're saying.
We'll circle back to the Frogland,
because I don't have that anywhere in my notes.
So Faye, why I ask is it's very isolated,
in that it is, you know, 2,500 miles to the east of Waterdeep.
Have any of you traveled beyond Faerun's borders?
Yep.
No.
When did you travel?
I'll tell you guys about it later.
Okay, um.
Oh, wait, does traveling in different dimensions count?
Sure.
Oh, then yes.
Yes, then yes.
Great.
Yeah, absolutely.
But on this plane of reality?
No.
No, you're like to stick to home base.
I get it, I get it.
So, it's a little unsettling when you go there.
It's dark, constantly,
because the whole region is just shrouded in volcanic ash.
Oh, so it's not like a Mr. Burns blocking out the sun situation?
Like a giant plate in the sky?
No.
I'm asking you that, Ross.
No, it's not like that.
No, no, it's not like that.
So it's not like that episode in The Simpsons.
The Simpsons is like, what?
And then Mr. Burns gets shot by a baby?
Exactly.
As improbable as that sounds.
It's improbable.
So this land.
Is your land.
This land is my land.
From Bonavista to Vancouver Island.
I wanted the American listeners to know
that we have a different version in Canada.
That's true, we do.
We have our own version.
Add it to Spotify.
Yeah, sorry, Ross.
Doing good with that Spotify list.
Yeah, sorry.
I couldn't help it.
You paused too long between this land.
He's working on how to describe things
to people who just keep interrupting them.
It's hard to relate to that.
Hey, I can't imagine what that would be like.
Super frustrating.
I would imagine so, yeah.
I don't think Russ has been able to say
one complete sentence since he said...
Do you think this is Russ's personal hell
where we're constantly interrupting him
and he's like, this is great, guys.
This is what happens when I don't plan
a whole hell of a lot and I just let you guys
kind of do something.
Oh, you're just letting us do this?
Yeah, but that's normal for me.
Well, I'm all sugar-coated.
Okay, let's not get back to cookies.
Okay, it's dark and it's always...
Oh, oh, you guys, you guys.
Russ has his ears folded in his lap.
That's universal.
I'm a bad guy.
That is...
Well, that's the...
I'm just gonna wait till everyone's quiet.
That's Russ actually expressing emotions
the only way he knows how.
By not doing anything but just not reacting.
There's a series of hand gestures,
very subtle hand gestures.
It's shrouded in ash from volcanoes.
Who here likes undead?
Not me.
I'm all right with it.
They'll still fall under my axe.
No, I'm gonna say no.
Okay, well, prepare yourselves.
This is a lot of undead.
They...
Are the wizards of Thay undead themselves?
Or are they necromancers?
Yeah.
Okay, yep.
Okay, so there's a large prevalence of undead
within the borders.
And the wizards of Thay,
generally speaking,
anyone and everyone of consequence
is a spellcasting necromancer.
Okay.
And how open are they
to the non-undead?
Oh, they're fine.
Okay.
I mean, you are being brought there
under negotiation circumstances.
Oh, I'm pretty sure we excel
at negotiating with people.
We are very good diplomats.
This is why we keep putting you
our best foot forward
towards these types of negotiations.
You can't see it.
A lot of questions out there.
Imagine a world
where we are the best diplomatic option.
Oh, boy, what this world is.
Might as well fire it into the sun.
Holy shit.
No wonder the cult has amassed
so much power.
Wowsers.
I'm really worried
about their decision-making skills
and why we're following them.
I have got questions.
Very bad.
The council is actually
in favor of you
and your decisions at this point.
Quite heavily.
So really, we're the last fucking option.
They have no other option.
Yeah.
I'm sort of feeling that
what's the Marx Brothers,
like a no club
I don't want to be a member
of any club that would have me.
Like, I don't want to make decisions
for any organization
that would let me make decisions.
That's a bad idea.
I get it.
That said, you will be given
and he pulls some papers out of his desk.
I have managed to get these sealed warrants
indicating that you are acting
on behalf of the Lords of Waterdeep
and the Lords Alliance.
So is it like diplomatic immunity?
In a sense, yes.
You have protection from both of their guilds.
So if anything were to happen to you
while you were there
and you did not make it back,
they would act on your behalf
and come to find out what happened justly.
What?
I'm sorry.
I thought you were about to say something like,
and if anything goes down
and you feel like you're in danger
and can't handle the situation,
all you have to do is like
rip this piece of paper in half
and boom, you're going to be back in Waterdeep.
But no.
It's the, in the event that you're murdered,
we'll come and investigate thusly.
What the shit is that?
I mean, you have the protection
is what I'm saying.
And the wizards-
That's not protection!
The wizards of Thay, they don't,
the red wizards,
they do not want to start things
just to start things.
They want to exist within their realm
and they aren't going to do that.
That said, don't leave where they
tell you to stick to
because the amount of undead
and the amount of wizards,
necromantic variety within the region
is plentiful.
Hey, I have a question.
Yeah?
Why are we going there again?
Seems like a great question.
The wizards of Thay
that we have found to be
helping the Cult of the Dragon.
We have been approached and told
that they are exiles
of the true wizards of Thay.
And the true wizards of Thay are
run by a lich, Zaz Tam.
You may or may not have heard of him.
You may roll a d20 if you so desire.
Oh, Zaz, he beats herself.
Uh, is there any bonus?
Wanna say history?
History or arcana.
Well, I'm gonna go for
either one because they're both plus seven.
Twenty-five.
Damn.
He means roll a hat tonight.
Those scrolls in that.
Library.
Thea, you know that Zaz Tam
was a very powerful lich
and like was part of a big group.
There's a whole bunch of history
that you don't need to get into.
But he is in charge of
or it at this point is in charge
of the red wizards of Thay.
Anyways, it's a lich.
It's very bad.
Okay.
Or very good if they're on your side.
And so we're trying to get them,
we're trying to get Zaz Tam
to like hook up with the good guys.
Say that.
These guys aren't,
these guys aren't doing,
aren't helping.
No, no.
So far those guys are like the outcasts.
The true.
The ones that are helping
the cult of the dragon.
They are run by a gentleman named Rath Modar.
You may have heard of him many moons ago.
I won't.
You have heard of him.
Right.
The wrath of Rath Modar.
Right.
Yes, it's in all the textbooks.
Yeah.
You've come across him.
Anyway, long story short.
They are run by Rath Modar
who was exiled by the red wizards of Thay.
For, I mean, if,
if you can think of
the red wizards to be super evil
and, I mean, lawful in their own right,
but evil.
To, to know how bad they could turn it
to be exiled by them
is probably not a good thing.
So they've gone off doing their own things
and Zaz Tam and the red wizards of Thay
in Thay want them dead.
And they see that we have like means
and like goals and motivations
in stopping the cult of the dragon.
He feels that if these red wizards
were to help bring Tiamat
to the material plane
that they would gain more power
than he is able to obtain.
And he wants to stop that.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
So you will be brought to Thay
by one of their wizards, Nye Ilmitch,
who we have interrogated thoroughly.
She will bring you there
and you will be speaking
with their head Tharchin,
their leader of the region.
Esseldra, yeah.
One thing to note as I bring that up,
any time you address someone,
it is best to address them
with both their title and their name.
Just a little common courtesy amongst...
This is going to go great, guys.
It is because I remember names really well
and I pronounce them impeccably.
And she is the Tharchin
of the Lapindrar region within Thay.
You don't need to necessarily mention the region
but Tharchin, Esseldra, yeah.
What you probably want to call her.
Yes.
All right.
Well, when do we leave?
We were hoping that the council
will be back from the nether mountains
before you left for Thay,
but they are not.
So Lady Leryl Silverhand is here.
Nobody else is.
But you can leave at any point.
Well, we were told that this was urgent
and then we fucked off
and did something that was actually a trap.
I beg your pardon?
What?
Yeah, what?
Oh, my God.
Did we...
God, Leosin, did we not tell you?
No, you came back and said,
hey, you want to party?
And then we left.
Oh, well, you know, priorities.
But let's say we had a bad time
and it was for nothing.
Xanthos Tower handed our asses to us.
Return.
I got a wood mask.
And the mask was a fake.
So there's a double whammy of bad news for you.
Sorry.
Real shit sandwich.
Yeah, with...
Wow.
Oh, and how do you know it's fake?
Protanther said that it was bogus.
Yeah, we tried to return it to Protanther
as per our promises to the Dragon Council.
And he gave us the bad news that...
He laughed at us.
Yeah.
He was pretty unkind, actually.
I mean, that seems consistent with his character.
That is unfortunate.
Any reason why they might have given you...
Obviously not.
Oh, I assume just to fuck with us.
I was thinking murder was maybe on the agenda for them.
Because that...
I mean, it was a pretty good trap.
But you made it through the maze.
Well, eventually.
Sure.
But Iskander died.
So I guess we don't know if Iskander knew it was fake.
I assume he must have thought it was real, right?
I mean, he died for it.
That's true.
All right.
Well, that's a real blow.
I'm going to have to write some notes about that.
Is there anything we might need before we go to Thay that you can...
Anything specific?
Killing potions!
Oh, yeah.
I mean, we're going to have to pick up some of those.
It's probably a really good idea.
We don't have Thaddeus anymore.
So we're going to stop by and pick up some things.
But anything Thay specific?
I mean, your wits about you...
It's debatable.
Touché?
We'll do our best.
Otherwise, I assume it will be a quick trip.
You are there to speak with Tharchin Asseldra Yeth and try to find a common ground between us.
I don't think it should take 12 weeks of episodes.
So while this is happening, I have my belt and the scabbard with the dagger.
So I don't want to say anything, because if I say anything, then Mr. Dagger Man, he's on to me.
But I'm going to be standing awkwardly, really hands on my hips with my...
Just really with a hip cocked towards the ocean.
Like saddling, sidling up to him.
Kind of, and just like really kind of standing in an awkward way with a hip kind of...
Just to see if...
You're going to do that thing where newly engaged women just like awkwardly have their hand out as like,
huh?
I don't want to say you need to look at this, but you need to look at this.
Yes.
So something like that to see if he might ask.
And then I probably still don't really want to say anything, but maybe my friends will.
I know I can't do anything.
How fucking awkward new law is being.
Like, let me do some kind of roll.
Yeah, let's do a roll here.
Looking over like...
Do a pose roll for me.
A high roll, you do what you want to.
Oh, just a straight roll.
No, hold on.
Let's see if there's something that'll fit here.
I was trying to see if there was like a thing.
I mean, like performance.
Persuasion or performance.
I mean, I have no good pluses with either of those,
but I don't know that anything else really makes sense.
Probably not.
So let's say performance.
Maybe he thinks you're intimidating him?
I don't have good intimidate.
Those are all just plus ones.
So I mean, anything I think that could apply is like a plus one anyway.
It's not great, but just to see, because I know I can't say anything
because he definitely, he the dagger, definitely knows what's up.
Oh my God.
Well, I rolled a two, so.
I guess that's a three.
So yeah, low is good, right?
Oh my God.
No, I was going to say a high roll.
People see what you're doing.
Low roll, they think you're just weird.
People just think I'm just standing off.
Like I have to pee or something.
So yeah, I mean, he sees you kind of just
articulating towards him or whatever you're doing.
And he seems to be trying to catch eyes with somebody else.
It's fair.
Can I notice?
Can I?
No.
My roll was so shitty.
Everyone sees me, but they're not cluing in that that's what I'm doing.
They just think I'm being a total weirdo.
Yeah, just like, what is her problem?
Can I look at Leosin and see his confusion and uncomfortableness?
There must be a lull in the conversation.
Ariel just standing around, not talking.
No, I don't assume you guys are still talking, but New Laura's like.
Exactly.
Like honestly, it probably just looks like I have to pee.
Yes, like it's just I'm just like squirming around.
Trying to like helicopter this weight around.
She's like sitting on the edge of the desk, just like, yeah.
Turns her chair around backwards, puts her hat on backwards.
Long story short, nobody's noticing because roll was so bad.
Yeah, it was so bad.
All right.
Well, Leosin, is there anywhere that we need to go?
Like, obviously we're going to stop and get healing potions.
How many?
All of them.
You haven't been there yet.
All of them?
You haven't been there yet.
Forty of them.
All right.
We're going to go and get healing potions.
But then after that, where should we head?
Who should we talk to to kind of like.
Well, I will.
You go get what you feel you need for materials and supplies.
I will go tell Lady Laryl Silverhand and Nye Ilmich that you are ready to go.
They have been waiting for your return or at least Nye has.
And she will prepare the teleportation ritual and you shall be ready to go.
There is a teleportation circle chamber just up the way.
Follow the signs.
You know where it is.
I get it.
You've been here enough that you've kind of been through a lot of the areas.
All right.
Well, Leosin, thank you.
Thanks, Leosin.
Be well and we'll see you soon.
Hopefully we come back from this trip with better news than Zanthal's Tower.
As do I, because I feel that the final battle is knocking at our door.
And after we find out if they will help us or not, arrangements will need to be made for a full scale assault.
Fucking go time, people.
Come and knock on our door.
We've been waiting for war.
Where the murder is.
You and you and you.
And here I am at two.
That's a good wrap.
I was thinking about it.
Yes, I'm here.
I guess I may have dragon's doubt.
Where do you go?
What do you do?
I want to go to the potion slash armory.
Yeah, so we definitely need some more healing potions, especially with no Thaddeus.
Also, we've used them all.
At least I have.
Also, we totally need to remember about our healing surges.
Yes.
And we need to remember that Thea has heal as a spell, which is you regain 70 hit points for one creature.
We just need to remember everything, guys.
We need to be better at remembering.
Yeah, as a general rule, just remember better.
So maybe I'm not going to be dealing a lot of damage.
I can heal at least three times.
And you have that fucking firestorm now.
Yeah, that firestorm is going to be dope.
Okay, so let's go, yeah, I guess to like the armory.
The Suppliery.
Suppliery.
The stuff is for Essary.
Can we stop by the Haberdasher too?
Yeah.
You want a new hat to go with that?
Maybe Bort likes a different look.
So you go to the armory slash potions place.
It's called...
Armory slash potions place.
It's called Armory and Potions Plus.
Oh, so we're going retail.
Well, I mean, it's within the Council of Waterdeep buildings.
You probably got a tab somewhere.
Perfect.
And you head in there, and I don't know if you guys have actually been there or...
You've probably never been there.
It's fine.
You've never been there.
And you go in and there's a very pale figure standing in a very white...
Looks like a lab coat, but has a very high collar.
Is he a pharmacist?
Very slicked down, blacked hair.
And he sees you enter and he says, hello.
Hello.
Yes.
Nularaaaa, Thea, and Flint.
Oh, you have us at a disadvantage.
Who are you, sir?
Arvid.
Arvid of Innistrad.
Oh, hey there, Arvid.
Hello, Arvid.
Yes.
You have come here for supplies?
Supplies, yes.
Yes.
Healing.
We need your best, most strongest healing potions.
The best, most strongest.
We've had a rare healing potion before.
That was pretty good.
I believe there was even an uncommon healing potion.
That was even better.
I don't think it was.
Probably not.
I think the rare one was better.
Sorry, Tom, as an aside, I still have three uncommon healing potions and my zero rare.
Yeah, that's fine.
So I used the rare ones and I was trying to save my friend after I'd stabbed him.
So now I feel like I pulled out the good ones.
A lot of backstory here, but good that I know what you are here for.
So you need some potions.
Yes, please.
How many would you like?
How many can we get?
Where are you going?
Fae?
It's very dangerous.
Yes, yes, I've been.
Oh.
Let me see.
He begins flipping through a big book, a big ledger.
I can probably give you each.
He looks at you very cautiously.
Three.
Four.
Five.
I was going to say knowing five.
I'm not sure how barbering works.
Nine.
I can give you each three of the rare potions you desire and some others if you have room for them.
Every time I hit the plus button, it seems like I have unlimited amount of room for equipment.
Do you have anything else you've been to Fae?
This is rare.
Do you have any other insight into things that may help us while we are there?
Are you going to see the sights?
No.
No, business meeting, business travel.
Business not personal.
Well, if you're sticking to the head governor buildings, you shouldn't need much.
And being that you are hopefully being brought there, there shouldn't be much along your way that you need.
Sorry.
What kind of healing potions are these again?
Rare.
Rare healing potions.
They're rare.
They're super rare.
Super rare.
But they still only have the same stats.
Three yellow potions.
The yellow ones are special for you, my dear.
No, thank you.
What's the rare healing potion again?
It's 84 plus 8.
All right.
Well, thank you.
You're welcome.
Put it on our tab.
Of course.
No payment today.
Good.
I shall see about that.
He hands you the potions.
Anything else?
Do you have any pinky mice?
By pinky mice I mean large rats.
Do you have any rats?
Dead rats.
For a potion or spell?
No, food.
I have a giant owl and I have to give her some treats every now and again.
Where is your owl?
I see a dragon.
I rummage in my pocket and I pull out my serpentine.
My jade figurine there.
You know they require no sustenance.
It does mean she doesn't like it.
Okay.
Let me see.
He goes in the back.
He comes out.
How many would you like?
I knew it.
Ten.
Five, please.
I have four.
I'll take four.
Why would you mask?
Well, if he said one, he could have just met your needs.
He comes out with a brown paper bag.
There's no plastic here.
He has some tongs.
He's just holding an O to you.
I literally just caught these in the back like just right now.
Super fresh.
He hands them to you.
Thanks.
I put them in my bag.
Nobody wants to be around me.
Any other small rodents that he looks towards Donnie?
No, I don't think so.
Donnie, he's cool.
Yeah, no rats.
He takes care of himself.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, any other strange requests?
No, man.
I'm good.
Thanks so much.
You quiet, sir.
Anything for you?
No, no, I don't think so.
Nothing comes to mind anyway.
All right.
Stay cool.
Donnie boy?
You too?
You stay cool too.
It's a bit nice to meet you.
I feel like we will become good friends.
I mean, there's every possibility we'll die and fade.
But if that doesn't happen, maybe we'll hang out when we get back.
We're inching toward the door.
Oh, yeah.
We're backing toward it.
He's very unsettling.
I feel he's just staring at us as we're walking backwards.
Do you see him with a smile on his face?
No.
Oh, that's even more unsettling.
Okay, bye.
Bye.
Yep, we go.
Yeesh.
I assume you head towards the teleportation chamber.
Yeah, and as we do, we talk about how weird that interaction was.
Yeah, that guy was unsettling, right?
Oh, yeah, he's a little different.
I mean, he went to Faye for fun, right?
Yeah, like sightseeing?
I don't think people do that.
No.
He loves that ashy skyline, I guess.
Yes, I don't know.
I approve of it.
Okay, the heebie-jeebies.
I only have four.
How would you want?
I'll just say one less, whatever you ask.
I love how jovial we are on the way to the transportation room.
Exactly.
Well, you know.
You've made it, unless you wish to keep making fun of them.
That's good.
Well, hello there.
I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
Thank you for joining us for episode 63 of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
On the way to Faye.
We really hope you're enjoying the episode so far.
We've had the chance story-wise here to put the role-playing of our characters
much more front and center.
And let me tell you, we're having a blast doing it.
We're recorded a little bit ahead now,
gearing up for the Christmas and New Year's Blitz
Everyone wants to focus a little more on family time
than recording podcast time, which is definitely understandable.
And we think, and hope that you do too,
that some of our best, most fun episodes are coming your way
before the New Year arrives.
We invite you to check out our Patreon community
over at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
If you're unaware how Patreon works,
it's a creator patron-driven platform
where you, as a supporter of a show, artist, or content creator,
can choose to become a part of their inner circle,
the closest-knit people within their community.
And by doing so, you get special access to really awesome rewards,
bonus episodes, live-streamed hangout sessions,
and other really amazing perks
that give you something a little extra for supporting the content
that you already love and listen to.
Even just a dollar a month from our patrons
has allowed us to do some amazing things,
like buy new equipment, expand our music and sound effects library,
and pay for some of the expenses to fly all four of us
to get together at PodCon in Seattle this January,
which we are super stoked about.
Like the episode dedications off the top,
you have the chance to name an NPC in the game when you're a patron,
like today's new character, Arvid of Innistrad,
who was named by Richard Lorenz on Patreon.
Thank you, Richard. I hope you like Arvid.
He'll definitely be back to have some super fun interactions with the team.
We'd love to have you be a part of this community,
and if you're interested to check out all the details
at Patreon.com slash dumbdragoncast.
And thanks to Sirenscape.
For some of the amazing atmosphere that you heard today,
make sure you check them out at sirenscape.com
to bring your games to life.
Links for everything mentioned today can be found in the description,
and the next episode will be out Wednesday, November 28th.
But now that I've successfully weirded out the players
with our new NPC, Arvid,
let's see if they can make it to Thay and negotiate with some wizards.
Have a great week. We'll talk soon.
Yes, you make it to the teleportation chamber.
The door is open and you step in,
and Leosin and Lady Leral Silverhand,
and an unknown person who you can assume is Nye Ilmich.
Shh.
Hey, you're pharmacist guy at the Weapons Plus?
Yeah, Arvid?
That guy's, he's pretty weird, hey?
He just started last week.
He has a very off-putting personality.
He is unsettling.
And that's coming from us.
So...
I get it. We've been working.
I mean, we've heard some complaints.
We've been working with him on some classes.
I mean, he gave us what we needed.
He wasn't unpleasant.
It was just unpleasant.
You might want to revisit your HR hiring policy, that's all.
During the end of the world,
we don't have much of an HR policy.
So much as whoever's gonna do the job.
That's fair.
Well, really though, I'd like to say
that the minute we start breaking down
the way our society is functioning,
we're already letting them win.
They've already won.
Alright, well, I'll talk to them.
Yeah, but don't say that it was us.
Oh my god.
Like, don't go there right now.
No, oh god, no.
Do you have some pointers for him?
Something specifically to work on?
I don't know, just don't be so creepy.
Okay.
I don't know if it's in him.
I don't know if he can do it.
I turn to the unknown person.
And say,
I'm Nulara.
And hold out my hand.
She looks at your hand and looks at you.
All three of you kind of over.
I say, I'm the Amistacia,
and I bow respectfully,
not wanting to touch the hand of a necromancer.
What's wrong with you, Nulara?
Well...
She reaches out and grabs your hand
and shakes it.
It's a cold hand, you notice.
And Lady Leral Silverhand says,
So, unless there's anything else we can help with,
you have all been briefed as to what you are hoping to do?
Oh, yeah, mhm.
You leave me with confidence, Thea.
So much confidence.
You know how we roll, we'll get the job done.
Leosin, Lady Silverhand,
could we speak to you just very, very briefly?
Of course.
Privately.
So, I assume we, like, move away.
Yeah, you kind of shuffle out of the room.
Do we, as when we saw the Dragon Council,
have authority to make a deal with these people?
I've gone into this assuming we do,
but best to have clarification before we go.
Of course.
You are perhaps some of the best to speak on our behalf.
I see doubt in your eyes.
I'm just shaking right now.
Your allegiances lie to the people,
whereas the delegates of the council,
their allegiances lie with their own region.
And they will do what's best for them and their own.
You have nothing tying you to anyone.
Which, as sad as that may sound, is a good thing.
It does sound sad when you put it that way.
It does sound real sad.
Well, we have ties to each other, guys.
Well, that's true.
Oh, that's, like, the most affectionate thing
I think I've ever heard you, Lara, say.
Holy man.
But you are the most prepared
to talk about Faerun as a whole.
And we need that right now.
This place is such a hole.
Don't worry.
We know what's at stake.
I hope that your trip will be quick and successful.
Leosun has filled me in on the unsuccesses,
not through your own fault, of Byzantos Tower,
which sets us further back than we were hoping
with that endeavor.
I wish you safe travels and hope to see you again soon.
Well, we'll do the best we can for you.
It's not much of a promise, but it is true.
Yeah, it's true. We always do our best.
We always do our best.
So you head back into the teleportation chamber,
and Naya Elmitch is standing there,
and Leosun and Lady Lara Silverhand
leave and close the door, and she says,
Are you ready?
No, but let's do this anyway.
Alright.
And she begins a ritual,
and begins moving her hands and speaking a chant,
and the room begins spinning with a glowing energy.
And after a few moments, it builds up and intensifies,
and you four see nothing for a moment.
You quickly arrive into a luxurious chamber,
and there are five, what you can assume as guards,
but you know them as wights.
You see them standing guard within this room,
and they turn to look at you,
and Naya looks at you, and she says,
I will lead you to your chambers,
and Tharchian Iseldra Yef will see you as soon as is possible.
I will go let her know of your arrival.
She leads you into a hallway,
and it's filled with luxurious tapestries,
and you walk down, and she leads you to three rooms.
She says, These are your chambers.
Thanks for the escort there, Naya Elmint.
Thank you.
She waits until you enter your rooms.
I'll be the first one who enters my room.
I want to see if it's themed.
Oh, are they themed rooms?
Are they underwater themed?
Jungle themed?
Arabian Nights themed?
Are we just listing prom themes?
Yeah.
Sure.
What theme do you want?
Oh my god.
Arabian Nights, now that it's been said.
Yeah, you enter, and it looks like a lot of...
It is a very luxurious room.
It's got a huge bed.
It's got huge furniture.
It's got lots of silks and tapestries that look like they're from Chult.
It looks like this room has been designed to look like someone of royalty lives here,
but has specifically been designed from this region.
Oh, I crawl onto the giant, like, super overly soft bed
that no one would really ever comfortably sleep on, but they definitely will.
I like just like, mmm, like, tummy down.
You do that.
Yeah, roll around on the bed.
Nulara.
I go in my room, and I'm hoping it's like, northern themed,
so like, kind of stark, but with lots of furs everywhere,
and like, you know, sumptuous warmth, a big hearth, you know.
You enter your room, and there is a raging fire within the fireplace.
It is filling the room with so much heat.
The walls themselves look like they're made from ice,
and there's huge bearskin rugs, and fur-covered bed, and blankets.
It looks like it's pulled directly from a luxuriously imagined Frost Giants lair.
Yes, fun.
Clink board.
So, as I wait for their doors to close, once I hear them close,
I turn to Nihilmitch.
I say, uh, you guys are all necromancers, right?
That's the deal around here.
Do you have any experience with, like, souls being trapped in bodies,
and how to fix that?
You have an issue, don't you?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you might, uh, you might say that.
Yeah, my name's Borgs.
Uh, I've been trapped in this dwarf's body for a while now,
and I want to...
There may be something we can do for you.
Roll a d20.
That is a 14.
You are Flint again.
Sorry, Flint here now.
Uh, just switched, uh, switched back control.
Uh, but yeah, I would like him out of my head.
That would be, that would be amazing.
Okay.
We will, um, see how the talks go,
and then maybe there is something we can do for the two of you.
Okay, I, I appreciate that a lot.
Thank you, Nahihilmitch.
She gives you a nod and extends her hand to your room.
Uh, I would like it to be, like, uh, an elven, like,
plush forest with, like, a bunch of moss
and really comfortable things around,
because that's like, that's not what I'm used to,
but it's always been like a dream.
That's like the exact opposite of what a dwarf would wish for,
but okay, I like it. Yep.
But it's unlike your dwarf in Lord of the Rings
that saw this awesome elven place
and then was, like, secretly obsessed with it.
Truth.
Uh, you step through your door,
and you, you're unexpectedly taken aback
when you step onto a wooden bridge.
It kind of gives underneath you as you step out onto it,
and it leads across to a giant treehouse hut.
Don't talk about it.
And in there is, again, one of the most luxurious beds
and an open-air feel to it.
Um, you hear birds calling off in the distance,
and you feel like this is one of the most fantastic places
that you could be at this moment.
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod
of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
Did you read it on my page?
No. I was going to say the same thing.
It's a very famous quote, Roscoe.
Ah! What are the headings of his thing?
It's the enemy of my enemy.
Perfect.
Just heads up, out of game,
I will be asking you for that every single time
I need to talk to you people.
All right. One time you'll forget.
It's going to be so good.
It's going to be so bad.
Did I ever tell you guys about the fortune cookie?
Uh, no, seriously.
I love this already. I love it already.
It's amazing.
I'm ready.
It's good. I got to look something up, so it's fine.
A fortune cookie that said...
It's so funny. I can't believe it's real.
Oh, my God. I love it.
It said, try a new hat for a change in looks.
Be creative.
That's amazing.
What?
It's the best one I'd ever seen.
Back to cookies.
Have I ever told you guys about the time I made
homemade fortune cookies?
No, that's fun.
Turns out it's a giant pain in the ass
and I'm never doing it again, but it was fun.
There's a reason why it's done by Big Machines.
When I went to San Francisco,
I got to see...
I went in for a fortune cookie factory tour.
That's awesome.
That thing is just like...
And then through the steamroller.
That makes sense.
And then the little Chinese people were...
Also, I tried making homemade wontons
and that was terrible.
I made pierogies at home once
and it was really fun,
but they were less good
than the good quality purchased
pierogies and it took
a very long time, so I didn't
do that again.
I could buy them from the Ukrainian...
cute Ukrainian ladies
that sell them at the Ukrainian church.
My brother is a chef
and he gave me a recipe for
sweet potato pierogies.
The actual dough itself is made from
sweet potato. It's literally
two... I think it was
two ingredients.
Potato and sweet potato.
Well, no, the dough itself.
I think it's just sweet potato and
sour cream or sweet potato and cream cheese.
Something like that. It blew my mind.
Great. You shared that recipe too.
That sounds great. I will have to ask
him again and he'll be like, Amy, that was like 11
years ago. What are you talking about?
He'll know. He'll know exactly what you're
talking about. Find it immediately.
Alright, we're ready.
I wish for safe travel.
I wish for safe travels.
Sorry, my medication's wearing off.
Holy shit.
I wish you safe.
And you quickly come
into...
You quickly arrive into...
Fuck off.
I really need to give her
so much.
It's too much.
Amy's so tired.
She just does too much for her.
The giggles have
started and it's just one more minute
you have to wait, I bet. But it's impossible.
I've so been there. I'm sorry, Amy.
What would all my room to be, guys? You guys already took such
a good one. It's like clowns, maybe?
It's probably clowns.
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